


Something I Need

by sepiaroses



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Depressed Yamaguchi Tadashi, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mostly a Tsukki x Yamaguchi fic but other relationships are implied, Protective Tsukishima Kei, Sleepovers, Team Dynamics, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, bromances, lots of fluff, pov from both perspectives, so much fluff you'll get a toothache, yamaguchi has some mental health issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-03-07 19:46:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13442019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sepiaroses/pseuds/sepiaroses
Summary: “Recently,” Tsukishima said slowly. “I’ve been feeling... weird... around a particular person. My heart beats fast, I start to sweat, and it makes it difficult to think.”“You said you wanted friendship advice?” Suga clapped his hand on Tsukishima’s shoulder. “Sorry to break it to you, but you’ve got a crush.”Tsukishima felt his heart sink. He knew it, deep inside. He knew that he had a crush on his best friend. But hearing someone else say it was a lot to handle.“And if this person... was a guy?” Tsukishima asked. The words fell out of his mouth before he could stop them.“Then that would make you gay. Or at least bisexual,” Suga answered calmly. He had that annoying motherly look on his face, as if he knew everything.Tsukishima took a deep breath. He was gay. As in, he liked men. As in, he liked dick.And he had a crush on Yamaguchi Tadashi.





	1. Chapter 1

**Tsukishima’s POV**

 

“Spin the bottle!” Hinata suggested, and everyone groaned, with the exception of Bokuto and Kuroo, who high-fived him enthusiastically.

Tsukishima sighed. At least this suggestion was better than Strip Poker, which was Bokuto’s first choice.

“But only on the cheek, right?” Akaashi said, with the same unfazed attitude he always had. Tsukishima admired him for how little fucks he gave.

“Unless you want to do something more,” Bokuto suggested, looking at Akaashi while wiggling his eyebrows. In response, Akaashi karate-chopped him in the ribs.

Much to Tsukishima’s disdain, the sleepover was hosted at his house, mostly because his parents were gone for the weekend. How eight hormonal boys ended up squeezing into Tsukishima’s tiny living room was beyond him.

Hinata returned from the kitchen with an empty beer bottle (Kuroo had brought a few six-packs ‘just in case’). He placed it in the middle of the circle, then returned to his seat next to Kageyama.

“Does everyone know the rules?” Bokuto said.

“Bro, just go already,” Kuroo said, throwing back his beer.

Bokuto turned the bottle hard so that it spun for several seconds. To his delight, the open end landed on Akaashi.

“AKAAAAASHIII!”

Akaashi sighed and patiently waited until Bokuto had given him a fat smooch on the side of his face.

“My turn,” Kuroo said, spinning the bottle. It landed on Bokuto.

“Broooo,” Kuroo breathed, turning towards his friend with mock arousal.

“Brooooooooo,” Bokuto answered, leaning in close.

Kuroo pressed his lips to Bokuto’s cheek, then immediately recoiled. “Bro, when was the last time you shaved? You’re growing a full-on beard.”

“It’s called a five o’clock shadow, you uncultured fuck.”

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi snorted at that.

“KENMA! Your turn!” Kuroo said loudly.

Kenma looked up from his DS, his eyes slit like a cat’s. “No thanks,” he said quietly, going back to catching Pokemon.

“Worth a shot,” Kuroo said, shrugging his shoulders. “How about you, Yamaguchi?”

Tsukishima turned to his right to look at his friend. Yamaguchi’s brown hair was in disarray; a bit of hair kept falling in front of his eyes. “Okay, I guess,” Yamaguchi said, scooting forward to gently spin the beer bottle.

The bottle rotated for a few seconds before laying to rest. To Tsukishima’s surprise, the open end was facing him.

 _Oh shit,_ Tsukishima thought.

Yamaguchi looked up suddenly, and their eyes met.

“Go on, kiss!” Hinata said, impatiently.

Yamaguchi kept eye contact. His brown eyes were wide, and they were getting closer. Something about the intense stare made Tsukishima’s heart beat faster. 

Yamaguchi was very close now, so close that Tsukishima could smell his shampoo. A familiar scent, of tea tree and lemons. Even though Tsukishima had been close with Yamaguchi for years, this closeness was different. Tsukishima could feel his skin getting hotter. His breath started to come out in uneven gasps. He could see every freckle sprinkled across Yamaguchi’s cheeks. Yamaguchi’s eyes closed as he finally got close enough to lightly plant a kiss on Tsukishima’s cheek.

But in a moment of panic, Tsukishima turned his head, and Yamaguchi’s lips caught the edge of his. Tsukishima’s face went bright red as his brain registered what was going on. He immediately leaned back and wiped his mouth on his sleeve.

Yamaguchi opened his eyes in surprise, looking at Tsukishima with a curious expression.

 _Quick, say something smart, like you usually do,_ Tsukishima thought to himself. But he couldn’t form words. The only thing on his mind was the incredible softness of Yamaguchi’s lips.

His confusion only lasted a moment, before he pulled himself out of the daze.

“Did you kiss him on the mouth?” Bokuto was asking, incredulous.

“Eh, not exactly,” Yamaguchi said, with a sheepish smile.

Tsukishima finally glanced over at Yamaguchi. He wasn’t looking at him; instead, he seemed absorbed in the rest of the party. Tsukishima breathed out a sigh of relief. It wasn’t as awkward as he thought it would be.

Bokuto looked crestfallen. Tsukishima cleared his throat and, taking advantage of the situation, said: “Isn’t it Kageyama’s turn?” Thankfully, his voice sounded relatively normal.

“KAGEYAMA! SPIN THE MOTHERFUCKING BOTTLE!” Kuroo said, taking a swig.

Kageyama looked confused, as if he didn’t understand everything that was going on. Knowing Kageyama, he probably didn’t. He tentatively spun the bottle, and it landed on Hinata. Kageyama breathed a sigh of relief and gave Hinata a quick peck on the cheek.

“Has everyone kissed everyone?” Bokuto said, looking around the room.

Except for Kenma, everyone had.

“Then I’m going to go get shit-faced. WHO’S IN?”

“ME!” Hinata said, raising his hand. But Kageyama punched him, so he put his hand down.

“I’m with you, bro,” Kuroo said.

“Bro, you’re already drunk.”

“You got me there.”

Tsukishima was feeling a little lightheaded, even though he hadn’t had a drop of alcohol. “I’ll be in my room, if anyone needs me,” he said, standing up to brush the pizza crumbs off his legs.

“You okay, Tsukki?” Yamaguchi asked. His wide brown eyes were filled with concern and Tsukishima found it difficult to look at them.

“Yeah, it just smells in here,” Tsukishima answered.

“Smells?” Bokuto asked.

“Yeah,” Tsukishima said, taking a whiff. “It smells like... hm... Bokuto’s bullshit.”

“Fuck off, Tsukishima,” Bokuto said.

“Gladly,” Tsukishima said, taking his leave.

As soon as he reached his bedroom, Tsukishima closed the door and turned off the lights. He then flopped onto his bed with a loud sigh. His mind was running a million miles an hour, and he could feel his erratic heartbeat thundering in his ears.

_What’s wrong with me?_

Tsukishima could feel his body growing hot, especially down there. _Why am I getting turned on?_ he thought. _It’s just Yamaguchi. It’s just a stupid sleepover game. All he did was kiss me on the cheek. I’ve known him for years, why am I getting all nervous and weird now?_

Tsukishima stood up and began to pace. Whenever he was in a predicament, he would always pace. It was something that calmed him down, helped him think rationally.

_What else calms me down? Oh, I know. Aardonyx, Abelisaurus, Achelousaurus, Achillobator, Acrocanthosaurus, Aegyptosaurus, Afrovenator, Agilisaurus..._

Tsukishima thought about Yamaguchi’s freckles, how Tsukishima could stare at them for hours. He could map those freckles like they were the night sky.

_...Bellusaurus, Borogovia, Brachiosaurus, Brachyceratops, Brachylophosaurus, Brachytrachelopan, Bugenasaura..._

Tsukishima thought about Yamaguchi’s eyes, bright and brown and boring into his own. Tsukishima always knew what Yamaguchi was feeling by looking at his eyes, except a few moments ago, his eyes were completely unreadable. What was he thinking about? What was he feeling when he leaned in for that kiss?

_Datousaurus, Deinocheirus, Deinonychus, Deltadromeus, Diceratops, Dicraeosaurus, Dilophosaurus, Diplodocus..._

Tsukishima stopped pacing. He really was feeling hot. Too hot for his liking. He went to the windows and opened them until he felt the cold night breeze against his skin. He breathed in the smell of Miyagi and tried to clear his mind.

But there was only one thing he could do to truly clear his mind.

He turned away from the window and sat on the bed. Carefully, he unzipped his jeans and pulled down the fabric underneath. As he began to slide his hand down his length, Tsukishima sighed and closed his eyes.

_It’s not weird, right?_

 

\-------

 

**Yamaguchi’s POV**

Yamaguchi had a creature inside of him. 

A slimy, black creature, with long fangs and claws and dark eyes. It was hidden inside of him, deep down in his subconscious. There, the creature preyed on his happiness, his hopes and dreams, leaving him with nothing more than self-doubt and hatred. The creature would whisper in his ear, telling Yamaguchi exactly what he didn’t want to hear.

When did the creature appear, Yamaguchi wondered? Was it when he was first bullied in second grade? Or did it grow slowly over time, with every subsequent bully?

“You’re such a freckle face, Tadashi! Why are you so puny? You’ve got to bulk up so you can carry all of our bags.” The bully threw his backpack down so it hit Yamaguchi in the face.

Yamaguchi was on the ground, and he was crying. His tears carved tracks down his dusty cheeks.

“Seriously? You’re crying?”

“He cries about everything! You crybaby.”

The words stung Yamaguchi more than the scratches underneath his eye.

Then, a tall boy walked up. He looked like an angel sent from heaven, with a halo of golden hair and a divine smirk. 

“What’re you lookin at?” one of the bullies asked.

“Hey, isn’t he in sixth grade?” the other one whispered.

“No, he’s just from class 3.”

The blond boy looked down, as if he were surveying his kingdom. Yamaguchi looked back up at him. From where he was sitting in the dirt, the boy looked like a giant. “Lame,” the boy said, with a funny smile on his face. Then, he walked away.

The bullies were dumbstruck, then began to chase after him: “What’re you talking about, four-eyes?”

But the boy just laughed. And Yamaguchi was struck with how strong and tall and _cool_ he looked. In comparison, Yamaguchi was weak. He couldn’t even stand up for himself without help. 

The creature deep in Yamaguchi stirred, sending shivers up his spine. _Everything that boy is, you aren’t,_ it told him.

And Yamaguchi was envious.

He was envious, but also grateful. He wanted to be the boy’s friend.

After their first volleyball practice, the blond boy Tsukki had said: “Let’s walk home together.”

Even back then, Tsukki’s voice had been even and cool, like a steady stream of water. Yamaguchi always felt at ease when Tsukki spoke. A wave of calm would fall over him, and he felt safe.

“O-okay,” Yamaguchi had said.

So their friendship began. A friendship based on dependence, of need. Yamaguchi needed Tsukki as a protector, an example, a front he could hide behind. He needed him, like how the night sky needs the moon.

Yamaguchi realized, over the years, that his simple friendship had turned into something else.

Something more.

Yamaguchi loved to watch Tsukki’s tall frame underneath his jersey, the muscles on his arms and legs, his long fingers that gripped the ball with precision. Yamaguchi loved to gaze into his intelligent, sharp eyes, hidden underneath black glasses. He loved listening to Tsukishima spew random trivia about the Czech Republic or water coolers or, his favorite, dinosaurs. He loved cheering Tsukki on from the sidelines and watching his face light up from praise.

Yamaguchi liked Tsukki. No, it was more that. He was in love.

But deep inside, the creature ate away at Yamaguchi’s insides. Yamaguchi feared the creature inside of him, and he had begun to believe the things the creature would tell him.

_Tsukki could never love you._

_You’re nothing to him, just a toy to play around with._

_You’re worthless._

Yamaguchi knew the creature was telling the truth. Tsukki didn’t need him. Tsukki was cool and tall and smart and capable and didn’t need someone as pathetic as Yamaguchi to be around.

_Just give up._

So he did. He let his love go.

Of course, the pair stayed friends. They would still walk to and from school together, they would study together, sit next to each other in class, tease Hinata and Kageyama together, play volleyball together.

But every so often, Yamaguchi would feel the familiar pang of jealousy and hopelessness. Whenever Tsukki got asked out by a girl in their grade. Whenever Tsukki would smile and laugh at someone else’s joke. Whenever Tsukki would share a bit of himself with anyone else besides Yamaguchi.

It hurt him.

But the kiss hurt him more.

It was as if the creature was poking fun of his misfortune, telling him: _Oh, you just got over your crush? Here’s a game of Spin the Bottle to completely fuck your life over._

Luckily, Tsukishima had disappeared to his bedroom. Yamaguchi wasn’t sure if he could take any more embarrassment. And Yamaguchi was, at the moment, seated at the counter of Tsukishima’s kitchen, thinking about every mistake he’s ever made in his pathetic life.

“So there I was,” Kuroo was saying. His words were slurred, and he was stumbling around like an idiot. “In the car, with a monkey in the backseat. It was almost seven o’clock. MAY I REMIND YOU THAT THE ZOO CLOSED AT SEVEN O’CLOCK.”

Bokuto was wheezing, slamming his hand on the table between gasps. Akaashi sat next to him, suppressing a laugh. He was drunk out of his mind as well. In fact, Yamaguchi was the only sober one in the room.

“So I was at a red light, and guess who I see walking down the street.”

“Who?” Bokuto said, at the brink of tears.

“Motherfucking Oikawa Tooru.”

At that, Akaashi and Bokuto broke out into laughter so deafening that Yamaguchi covered his ears.

“And Oikawa was like, ‘Kuroo, bro, wanna have a beer or something right now?’ And I was like, ‘not right now my dude. I’m kind of in a situation’.”

“What did he say about the monkey?” Bokuto wheezed.

Kuroo grinned. “You know Oikawa, he fucking screamed at the top of his lungs. But he was in on the secret, he had to come with me.”

“YOU LET OIKAWA INTO YOUR CAR?”

“I NEEDED SOMEONE TO WATCH CHARLES TO MAKE SURE HE DIDN’T CLIMB OUT THE WINDOW!”

“YOU _NAMED_ HIM?” Akaashi said, doubled over in laughter.

Yamaguchi was enjoying the story, but he was also worried about Tsukishima. Was he okay? It was odd of him to run off in the middle of the party.

Yamaguchi excused himself from the kitchen and made his way to Tsukishima’s bedroom. He knew Tsukishima’s house like the back of his hand, every room and drawer and cabinet, every book and magazine, every item of clothing that Tsukishima owned.

Yamaguchi stopped in front of Tsukki’s door. There wasn’t a light on, which meant that he was sleeping. Yamaguchi didn’t want to disturb him, so he turned to leave.

That is, until he heard a noise.

It sounded like a breath, or a sigh, from within Tsukki’s room.

Yamaguchi’s curiosity got the better of him and he slowly opened the door. “Tsukki? Are you oka—”

He stopped as soon as he saw Tsukki, at the edge of his bed. His pants were bunched up around his knees, and his hand was around his cock. 

Tsukki looked up in surprise, and as their eyes met, Tsukki’s mouth opened slightly.

Yamaguchi was frozen for a moment, letting the information sink in. 

Then, he ran. Closing the door behind him, Yamaguchi run like Usain Bolt down the hall and skidded into the living room, interrupting Hinata and Kageyama’s game of UNO.

Taking a seat in the crease of the couch, Yamaguchi finally let himself breathe. He dragged his hands throughout his hair as his heart beat wildly. _Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit_ , he thought. _Oh, FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK._

Yamaguchi shut his eyes, but the only thing he could think about was Tsukki’s pale, smooth skin, and the way his hand grasped his hard erection. He thought about Tsukki’s breath, the sigh he made while pleasuring himself...

Suddenly the creature inside of him squeezed his insides, making it hard to breathe. _Get a grip_ , it told him.

Yamaguchi groaned and slumped forward into his arms.

“Yamaguchi, are you okay?”

Yamaguchi glanced up and saw Hinata, a worried expression on his face. He had half the deck of UNO cards in his hand, which meant that he was bitterly losing to Kageyama.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine,” Yamaguchi said. His voice came out in a squeak. He tried desperately to hide the flush on his cheeks, but it was difficult. Instead, he stood up suddenly. “I... uh, I’ve got to go.”

“What do you mean, you’ve got to go?” Hinata asked.

“I just got a call from my mom, she’s telling me to come home early tonight.”

“Aww, but Kuroo bought all of those party poppers! And we were going to watch _Titanic_!”

“Wait,” Kageyama said from the back. “Didn’t you say your mom was away for work?”

“Uh...” Yamaguchi said, trying to think of a good lie. “Yeah, I did, but... she came back early.”

“Oh,” Kageyama said, not convinced.

But Yamaguchi was already collecting his jacket and slipping on his shoes by the door. On his way out, he spotted Kenma, who was making himself home on Tsukki’s comfy airmchair. He looked up questioningly, so Yamaguchi said: “I’m heading home.” Kenma nodded, and returned to his game, looking up one last time as Yamaguchi closed the door.

 

**Tsukishima’s POV**

On Monday, Tsukishima showed up at Yamaguchi’s house at 7:45 sharp, as usual.

He was dressed in his uniform, with the top two buttons of his jacket undone, as usual.

He had his schoolbag slung over one shoulder, as usual.

Nothing about this was unusual.

Except for the fact that Tsukishima’s heart was beating itself out of his ribcage, and he was so worried he felt like he might be sick.

 _What would Yamaguchi say? Would he judge him?_ Tsukishima thought. The other night had gone downhill fast. The kiss, and now this...? Tsukishima wanted to curl up into a ball and never see Yamaguchi again.

But Yamaguchi and Tsukishima always walked to school together. Always. It would be strange if Tsukishima didn’t show up at Yamaguchi’s house this morning.

 _What if he doesn’t want to come to school? What if he’s too embarrassed to show his face?_ Tsukishima suddenly wondered, his chest filling with dread. _Is this the end of our friendship?_

But Tsukishima’s fear melted when he saw Yamaguchi waving at him through the window. The bright-faced boy grabbed his bag and met him on the front steps with his cheery smile.

“Good morning, Tsukki!” he said. Tsukishima couldn’t detect anything out of the ordinary with his voice.

As they started walking towards school, Tsukishima began to feel more at ease. The breeze lazily swept through Yamaguchi’s hair, and the sun peeked through the trees on either side of the road. The two fell into step, walking side by side, as they had done a million times before. The familiarity and comfort of it all made Tsukishima’s heart swell.

“You wouldn’t believe the story Kuroo was telling the other night,” Yamaguchi said, breaking the silence.

“Was it the one about Oikawa and the godforsaken monkey?”

“Yes! How’d you know?”

“I was there.”

Yamaguchi looked at him with those wide brown eyes and freckles. “Really?”

“Yeah, I helped them sneak into the zoo. Piece of cake.”

Yamaguchi stared at him in awe. It was an expression that Tsukishima loved. “Why is it that you’re always in the right places at the right time?”

“I’m psychic,” Tsukishima said, with a smirk.

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“Can you read my palm, then?” Yamaguchi stretched out his arm for Tsukishima to see.

“Uh, yeah,” Tsukishima said, taking Yamaguchi’s hand into his own. It was warm against his cool skin, and once again his heart fluttered at the contact. He studied the deep lines etched into Yamaguchi’s palm. 

“See, your heart line starts in the middle of your index finger, which means you’re picky when it comes to love,” Tsukishima started. “And it’s deep. Meaning your emotions are strong.”

Yamaguchi was listening intently. Tsukishima glanced up at him, but as soon as their eyes met, Tsukishima had to look away. It was as if he were staring at the sun. Yamaguchi’s face was too radiant to look at.

“And here, see this line? It’s called the life line,” Tsukishima said, tracing his finger along Yamaguchi’s palm. The skin was soft to the touch. “It indicates any important life changes you might have. See how it branches off here? This means a crossroads in your life.”

“Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said, almost in a whisper. Tsukishima looked at him. Suddenly, it seemed like time froze. It was just Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, looking at each other’s eyes, as the sun filtered through the leaves.

But time moves on, no matter how much Tsukishima wanted it to stop. 

“You’re really smart,” Yamaguchi said with a grin, letting his hand drop. Tsukishima instantly missed the warmth it had given him. “You know so much about so many things.”

“Yeah, well, my parents used to have a palmistry poster hanging in the living room,” Tsukishima said, but he wasn’t thinking about his words. He was thinking about Yamaguchi, and what had happened at the sleepover.

“Listen, Yamaguchi,” Tsukishima started, feeling his mouth go dry. 

Yamaguchi looked up. “What’s up, Tsukki?”

Tsukishima felt his face go red. “Uh, about the other night...”

Yamaguchi cracked a smile. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Uh...”

“It’s completely natural. Nothing to be ashamed of. Let’s just forget about it,” Yamaguchi said. His smile looked genuine, but Tsukishima could tell there was something underneath, some other emotion.

“Okay. Well, thanks,” Tsukishima said, embarrassed. But a giant weight had been taken off his chest.

The pair walked to school side by side, and for once, everything felt right.

 

After volleyball practice, Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, and Suga were alone in the locker room, changing back into normal clothes.

It was funny. For years, Tsukishima had watched Yamaguchi take his shirt and shorts off without missing a beat. But all the sudden, even the sight of Yamaguchi’s freckled collar bone was enough to make Tsukishima’s face go tomato-red. He had to make a conscious effort to not look up while slipping into his jeans.

“Tsukki, I’m going to go to the bathroom real quick,” Yamaguchi said. “Meet me outside in a minute?”

“Yeah.”

Tsukishima watched him leave, then turned to Suga, who had just slipped his head into a sweatshirt.

“Suga? I was wondering if I could ask you something.”

Suga looked impressed. “Is the great Tsukishima finally asking his senpai for volleyball tips? Took you long enough.”

“No, it’s not that,” Tsukishima said. “I was wondering if you had... friendship advice.”

“Hm. Well, depends on what you ask.”

“Uh...” Tsukishima swallowed, and pushed his glasses up on his nose. _Was this really the best idea?_ he thought to himself.

“Recently,” Tsukishima said slowly. “I’ve been feeling... weird... around a particular person. My heart beats fast, I start to sweat, and it makes it difficult to think.”

“You said you wanted _friendship_ advice?” Suga clapped his hand on Tsukishima’s shoulder. “Sorry to break it to you, but you’ve got a crush.”

Tsukishima felt his heart sink. He knew it, deep inside. He knew that he had a crush on his best friend. But hearing someone else say it was a lot to handle.

“And if this person... was a guy?” Tsukishima asked. The words fell out of his mouth before he could stop them.

“Then that would make you gay. Or at least bisexual,” Suga answered calmly. He had that annoying motherly look on his face, as if he knew everything.

Tsukishima took a deep breath. So. He was gay.

Looking back on it, it made perfect sense. Never once had he felt attraction towards a woman. All of the other volleyball members, or at least Tanaka, had made it a point to display their overwhelming heterosexuality. But Tsukishima never lusted over Shimizu like the rest of them. He thought girls were too small and fragile, their bodies too soft and curvaceous, their voices and emotions too frail. 

He was gay. As in, he liked men. As in, he liked dick.

And he had a crush on Yamaguchi Tadashi.

“Thanks for the advice,” Tsukishima told Suga.

“No problem. And Tsukishima?”

“Yeah?”

“Take care of yourself,” Suga said, with a smile.

Tsukishima didn’t know what he meant, so he packed his bags and left without another word. 

He met up with Yamaguchi in front of the volleyball building, and together they walked home. Tsukishima took notice of the way Yamaguchi’s hair moved as he walked, the way his body felt comfortable and familiar and _right_ next to his. Tsukishima smiled to himself. So, this was what it felt like to have a crush.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Tsukishima's 17th birthday. There's cake, music, alcohol, and of course, Yamaguchi Tadashi.

**Tsukishima’s POV**

 

Tsukishima unlocked the door to his house. He was exhausted after the day at work, and wanted nothing better than to lay down on his bed and pass out.

But after he removed his shoes and stepped onto the hardwood floor, lights suddenly flooded the room and multiple voices shouted: “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

Tsukishima jumped in surprise as his eyes adjusted to the blinding light. There, standing in a semi-circle, was the entire Karasuno team, along with Bokuto, Kuroo, Akaashi, and Kenma. Everyone wore party hats and held party blowers. Streamers decorated the ceiling, and a large poster in the back spelled out: “HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY YOU SENTIENT TREE”.

But the best sight of all was Yamaguchi. He stood in the front of the group, grinning like a madman. In his hands he held a large cake. Tsukishima realized that it was strawberry, his favorite. He felt a rush of gratitude.

But he was Tsukishima. All complimenting had to be subtle, hidden underneath five layers of sarcasm. “Is this all you got?” he said, with a smirk. “I was expecting a mariachi band and a stripper to pop out of a cake.”

“I can be the stripper!” Nishinoya said, ripping off his shirt. Tanaka did the same next to him, and together they strutted around bare-chested.

“Oh! Oh! Me too!” Hinata shouted, lifting his shirt. To Tsukishima’s relief, Kageyama quickly grabbed his arm and pulled the shirt back down.

After everyone had gotten settled in Tsukishima’s living room, amongst heaps of snacks, Kuroo handed Tsukishima a box.

“Well, go on and open your present.” Kuroo said. “It’s from me and Bokuto.”

Tsukishima unwrapped the box and wasn’t surprised to find a box of Trojans.

“Okay, okay, hear me out,” Bokuto said. “Yamaguchi said you liked strawberry, so we got you strawberry-flavored condoms!”

Yamaguchi, who was sitting on Tsukishima’s right side, turned a bright shade of scarlet. “I-it wasn’t my idea! The condoms part, I mean,” he said, tripping over his words.

But Tsukishima just laughed. “Thanks guys, I’ll definitely use these.”

Kuroo clutched his chest. “Damn, that confidence.”

“Tsukishima gets ALL the ladies!” Bokuto hooted, then dragged Kuroo into the kitchen to grab some vodka.

Yamaguchi and Tsukishima were left alone on the couch. Sheepishly, the freckled boy handed him two packages. One was small, and the other larger.

“Happy birthday,” Yamaguchi said, smiling.

Tsukishima felt his heart swell with happiness. He took the presents and eagerly opened them. The first one was a pair of dinosaur socks (“Oh, Triceratops. Nice choice.”) and the second was a book. Turning it over, Tsukishima saw that it was Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. The book seemed old and used, and when he cracked it open, Tsukishima saw that it was riddled with annotations.

“I didn’t know what to get you, so I asked my mom,” Yamaguchi said. “She said to give you something that I love. And, well, this book is one of my favorites. I’ve read it so many times that--”

“I know how much you love this book,” Tsukishima said. “Are you sure you want to give it to me?”

Yamaguchi nodded, looking into his eyes. “It’s something precious to me, and I felt like... you would be the best person to give it to.” Yamaguchi’s cheeks flushed a little as he spoke, and he turned away to look at the carpet.

“Thank you, Yamaguchi. I love it,” Tsukishima said, and he was telling the truth. He _did_ love it. Not just the book, but the care Yamaguchi had taken to get him something special.

“Really?”

“Really.”

Yamaguchi smiled, a big smile that crinkled his eyes and made Tsukishima’s heart rate go up. “I’m glad.”

 _Damn, is it possible to get even gayer?_ Tsukishima thought. _Because that smile would turn a ruler into a bendy straw._

Bokuto and Kuroo busted back into the room, holding red solo cups and an entire bottle of Smirnoff. “Okay birthday boy, time to get WASTED!” Bokuto said, thrusting cups at Tsukishima and Yamaguchi.

“Uh, I’m underag—”

“WHO GIVES A FUCK? DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!” Kuroo hollered.

Suga and Daichi looked disapprovingly at Kuroo and Bokuto, but decided not to say anything.

Yamaguchi shrugged, and took a sip of his vodka. He immediately recoiled. “Ew, this shit tastes disgusting!” he said, gagging. “How do you drink this?”

“The first drink always tastes the worst,” Tanaka said, sitting down next to Yamaguchi. He still had his shirt off, and someone had drawn a giant dick across his pecs.

Tsukishima also took a sip, thinking _What the hell_. The vodka burned his mouth and throat, and he coughed. But after the liquid reached his stomach, he felt a warm feeling spreading throughout his body.

“Let’s turn on some music!” Hinata exclaimed, fiddling with Tsukishima’s expensive stereo. A moment later, the song Dancing Queen by ABBA blasted throughout the house. Hinata started to dance. He looked small wearing Kageyama’s shirt (he had spilled coke all over his), and his movements were wild, like an excited animal.

“Nice choice Hinata!” Nishinoya hollered, and he joined him on the dance floor.

Soon, the majority of the team (except for Yamaguchi and Tsukishima) were dancing and screaming the lyrics: “YOU ARE THE DANCING QUEEEEEEN! YOUNG AND SWEEEEEET! OOOONLY SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEN!” On the word ‘seventeen’, Kuroo and Bokuto made finger guns at Tsukishima. _Oh right_ , Tsukishima thought. _I guess I’m seventeen now._

Yamaguchi seemed to be having fun watching them. He was smiling. Every minute or so he would take another sip of his vodka. Tsukishima briefly wondered how drunk he was already, when the song changed.

First, trumpets and a funky beat. Then...

_Do you remember? The twenty-first night of September?_

Yamaguchi’s eyes grew wide, and he glanced at Tsukishima. “This song!”

“What about it?”

“It’s September!”

“Yeah...?”

“We have to dance!” Yamaguchi said, grabbing Tsukishima’s arm and dragging him onto the dance floor.

Tsukishima couldn’t have prepared for what happened next.

Yamaguchi slowly began to move, swinging his hips from side to side with the music. His hands drifted above his head, his eyes closed. His movements were as fluid as water. In the low light of the room, he looked absolutely stunning. The rest of the room seemed to fade away as Tsukishima watched.

Tsukishima felt his face growing hot as he watched Yamaguchi’s shirt lift, revealing a small stripe of stomach above his jeans. But Yamaguchi didn’t notice; he was too absorbed in his dancing.

_Our hearts were ringing_  
_In the key that our souls were singing_  
_As we danced in the night_  
_Remember, how the stars stole the night away_

Yamaguchi opened his brown eyes to a half-lidded gaze and watched Tsukishima carefully, as if he were studying him. He was dancing closer now, close enough for Tsukishima to see his freckles. As Yamaguchi moved closer, he stretched his arms out and onto Tsukishima’s shoulders, drawing him into a slow dance.

Tsukishima didn’t know what to do. His arms seemed frozen at his side. He must’ve looked confused, because Yamaguchi smiled and gently guided Tsukishima’s hands to his waist.

Yamaguchi’s waist.

_Bada Ya, say do you remember_  
_Bada Ya, dancing in September_  
_Bada Ya, never was a cloudy day_

Tsukishima was blushing furiously, but for some reason Yamaguchi’s steady gaze made everything seem okay. 

“Do you know how to slow dance?” Yamaguchi asked him softly.

Tsukishima could feel Yamaguchi’s hips underneath his fingertips. Yamaguchi’s warmth mingled with Tsukishima’s, and together they swayed with the music.

“Of course I do,” Tsukishima answered. He was spellbound by the moment, by the feeling of Yamaguchi’s waist and his hands on his body. He smiled and let himself go.

_My thoughts are with you_  
_Holding hands with your heart to see you_  
_Only blue talk and love_  
_Remember, how we knew love was here to stay_

Yamaguchi pulled closer until his arms draped themselves around Tsukishima’s neck. Their bodies were flush, their faces were a couple inches apart. Tsukishima’s heart beat wildly and he glanced down at Yamaguchi’s lips, soft lips he wanted to taste again. 

Yamaguchi must’ve noticed, because he smiled and gently traced his tongue over his top lip. He smelled like strawberries and Smirnoff. His freckles sparkled like the stars.

_Bada Ya, say do you remember_  
_Bada Ya, dancing in September_  
_Bada Ya, never was a cloudy day_

Tsukishima was so blessed to have Yamaguchi here, dancing with him, enjoying this moment together. This was the best birthday party he had ever had.

But all too soon, the song was over, and in its place Hey Ya blasted from the speakers, causing everyone in the room to yell in excitement.

Yamaguchi was distracted, and dropped his hands down from Tsukishima’s neck. Tsukishima instantly missed his touch. But that fleeting moment had given Tsukishima enough happiness to last a lifetime.

Instead, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi turned their attention to the rest of the party, who were belting out the lyrics in unison. Nishinoya in particular had draped a blanket across his shoulders as a makeshift cape and was standing on top of the counter, using a beer bottle as a microphone.

_Shake it, sh-shake it_  
_Shake it, sh-shake it_  
_Shake it like a Polaroid picture_

Bokuto and Kuroo started to twerk against the wall. Even Daichi shook his ass a little. In response, the room erupted in cat calls. 

“YEAH, DAICHI! GET SOME!” Nishinoya shouted.

“Twerk it, Daddy!” Suga said, at which point everyone’s heads swiveled towards him. Suga just laughed and shrugged. Daichi’s face was bright red, and it wasn’t from the alcohol.

Bokuto was undulating his hips vigorously to the point when he fell and landed on his face. Akaashi was laughing so hard he had to step outside. Kenma pulled out his phone and took multiple photos.

The party dwindled down after that. Practically everyone was drunk, except for Hinata, Kageyama, Kenma, and Tsukishima (who didn’t have any more vodka after that first sip). 

Nishinoya and Tanaka were asleep on the couch. Bokuto and Kuroo were slurring their words while chatting on the kitchen floor. They both had bowls of cereal, but Bokuto had forgotten to put the actual cereal in, so he just lifted spoonfuls of milk to his mouth.

Akaashi was playing drunk chess against Daichi in the living room, while Suga and Hinata sang karaoke to Britney Spears songs. Asahi and Ennoshita were drawing with glitter pens on the coffee table. Kageyama was struggling to get Kenma’s attention so he could pester him with volleyball questions.

Tsukishima sighed. Where had Yamaguchi gone off to? He wandered around the house, eventually coming to his bedroom door. He could hear a faint snoring inside.

Tsukishima gently opened the door and saw Yamaguchi, sprawled out on Tsukishima’s bed. His brown hair was a mess against the pillow. He had a small pool of drool by the side of his face. His breathing was soft and even.

Tsukishima wanted so badly to lay down next to him, to pull the boy into his arms, to kiss every freckle that dotted his cheeks.

But he couldn’t.

He never could, because they were best friends. And best friends don’t kiss each other’s freckles. There were some boundaries he couldn’t cross, no matter how much he wanted to.

And so, Tsukishima closed the door and returned to the party.

Bokuto and Kuroo were waiting for him when he returned. 

“Yo, Tsukishima,” Kuroo said. His hair was all over the place, and the front of his shirt had a big alcohol stain. 

Tsukishima tried desperately to run away, but the two boys grabbed his wrists and dragged him to a seat on the floor. Bokuto handed him a bowl of cereal, then stared at him for an uncomfortably long time.

“What do you guys want?” Tsukishima growled, taking a bite of the cereal. It was surprisingly good.

“We saw you dancing with Yamaguchi,” Kuroo said. His voice was slurred, but for some reason it sounded serious.

“Yeah? And?” Tsukishima said in his usual drawling voice, but inside his heart was clenched.

“Dude. Bro,” Bokuto said, putting his hands on Tsukishima’s shoulders. “You are so gay.”

“I don’t know what you mean by that statement.”

“You had a boner.”

“WHAT?” Tsukishima said, dropping his spoon. It flung milk all over the tiled floor.

Bokuto nodded seriously. “While you were dancing without leaving room for Jesus, the entire room saw your little bulge.”

“Oh, fuck,” Tsukishima said, burrowing his face in his hands. “Was I that obvious?”

“You’re lucky Yamaguchi’s passed out drunk right now, otherwise he would have noticed,” Bokuto said.

Tsukishima started to open his mouth, but Kuroo interrupted. “Don’t worry, we’re not going to tell him,” he said. “It’s funnier to see you like this. It’s not every day we get to experience a flustered Tsukishima.”

Tsukishima glared at him over his glasses. “Why are you being so kind all of the sudden?”

Kuroo put a hand over his heart in mock surprise. “I’m always this kind!”

 

**Yamaguchi’s POV**

_Ughhhhh..._

Yamaguchi woke to an orange blob hovering over his face. Wiping his eyes, Yamaguchi discovered it was just Hinata, looking down at him curiously.

“Ah! Yamaguchi’s awake!” Hinata said, calling to someone behind him.

With difficulty, Yamaguchi sat up. He was laying on a bed, in an unfamiliar room. He felt terrible. He had a splitting headache and his stomach felt queasy. _So this is what a hangover feels like,_ Yamaguchi thought.

Kageyama walked into the room, carrying a glass of water. He sat it down on the table. “Drink this,” he said. “Alcohol doesn’t hydrate you. You need water.”

“How... how did I get here?” Yamaguchi said, with some difficulty.

“You fell asleep at Tsukishima’s place, so Asahi and Daichi helped pick you up and drove you here to my house, cause I have an extra room,” Hinata said, with a cheerful smile.

“Ah,” Yamaguchi said. He took a sip of the water, but immediately put it down. He wouldn’t be able to stomach liquids for a while. “What time is it?”

“2:00 PM,” Kageyama answered. “You’ve been asleep for a while.”

“Do you... remember anything from last night?” Hinata asked, cautiously.

Yamaguchi tapped his chin in thought. “We had cake. Opened presents. We danced... well, I think I fell asleep soon after that.”

“So you remember dancing with Tsukishima?” Hinata probed. His question earned him a whack from Kageyama.

“Yeah, I...” Yamaguchi faltered, remembering what had happened. He had slow danced with his best friend. He had felt Tsukishima’s hands on his waist, had seen his bright eyes up close, had seen him smile. “I remember...”

Hinata and Kageyama looked at him expectantly.

“What?” Yamaguchi said, then immediately blushed. “Did I look weird? Did something happen?”

Hinata and Kageyama exchanged a glance. “No, it was just so unlike you, that’s all,” Kageyama said. “You must have been pretty tipsy.”

“Yamaguchi?” Hinata asked.

“Yeah?”

“Are you in love with Tsukishima?” Hinata asked. 

Yamaguchi opened his mouth in surprise.

Kageyama punched Hinata hard in the gut, and Hinata doubled over in pain. “Hinata, dumbass! You can’t just ask questions like that!” Kageyama said angrily.

“OW! OW! THAT HURT!”

Yamaguchi’s mouth was still open. His throat was dry, and his heartbeat quickened.

_Should I tell them?_

“Yes,” he said softly.

The freak duo stopped bickering to turn towards him in astonishment.

“Yes,” Yamaguchi repeated, smiling to himself. The words seemed to flow out of him, with ease and strength, as if coming straight from his heart. “Yes, I’m in love with Tsukki. I think I’ve been in love with him for several years.”

The creature inside him clenched his insides, but Yamaguchi ignored it. He felt elated to finally get the secret off his chest.

Hinata smiled wide and went over to give Yamaguchi a crushing hug. “It’s so great that you finally admitted it!”

“Finally?” Yamaguchi said in alarm.

“Yeah, we’ve known for a while,” Hinata said.

Yamaguchi sighed and slumped forward. “Is it that obvious?”

“Maybe to everyone else,” Hinata said, laughing. “But not to Tsukishima. He may be the top of his class, but he’s clueless when it comes to love.”

Yamaguchi breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank God,” he said.

Suddenly, he felt something stir deep inside him. It was the creature; its claws sunk deep into Yamaguchi’s heart. The creature smiled, baring his teeth, filling Yamaguchi with an awful energy. _You know he’s never going to love you, right?_ the creature said.

Yamaguchi’s smile weakened a bit.

“You alright, Yamaguchi?” Kageyama asked.

“Yeah, I...” Yamaguchi took a deep breath. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom really quick, I don’t feel well.”

“You need to throw up?” Hinata asked with wide eyes.

“Ah, no, I just need to...” Yamaguchi started, but he couldn’t finish, because the creature had clenched his heart once more. Yamaguchi quickly got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

Yamaguchi leaned up against the counter and looked in the mirror. He saw himself, his ugly mess of hair, his pathetic freckles, his plain eyes. He hated it. He hated everything about himself.

_Who could love someone like you?_

Yamaguchi’s eyes began to tear up, and soon tears were slipping down his cheeks. He wiped them off quickly. “Shut up,” he told the creature, a weak attempt at control. “Just... shut up.”

 _I’m only voicing what you’re thinking deep inside,_ the creature said. _I am you, Tadashi. I’m only telling you the truth._

Yamaguchi squeezed his eyes shut and, with every ounce of his being, forced the creature back down. With a sickening laugh, the creature retreated into the depths of Yamaguchi’s subconscious.

“Yamaguchi? You okay?”

Hinata’s voice echoed outside the door. Yamaguchi took a deep breath, splashed water on his face to get rid of the tears, and opened the door.

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

The lie was bitter on Yamaguchi’s tongue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! PLEASE comment if you liked this story! I'm a pathetic fanfiction writer who thrives on attention :^)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A volleyball camping trip, packed full with Capture the Flag, hot bath scenes, and awkward sexual tension? Sign me the fuck up.

**Yamaguchi’s POV**

Whoever thought it was a good idea to force ten high school boys into one cabin for the camping trip was out of his mind. And that person was Daichi Sawamura, who seemed to be regretting everything as he overlooked the group.

“LISTEN UP,” he shouted, and immediately the group of boys fell silent.

The entire Karasuno team was standing at the edge of the campsite, beneath towering pine trees. It was almost nighttime (they had been driving for the majority of the day) and the sun was beginning to sink low in the sky.

Daichi folded his arms across his chest, flexing his muscles. “We’re going to play a game.”

“OH! CAN I PICK THE GAME?”

“Shut the fuck up Nishinoya, I’m trying to talk.”

“Rude.”

“Anyways,” Daichi continued, pinching the bridge of his nose. “As Captain of Karasuno, I’m going to pick the game. And it’s Capture the Flag.”

A chorus of groans and yells echoed throughout the trees.

“You will be separated into two teams. Each person counts off, saying 1 or 2, and we’ll go down the line.”

Yamaguchi snuck a side glance at Tsukki, who was standing beside him. He had a pair of headphones thrown over his neck, and his hands were buried in the pockets of a warm hoodie. When he caught Yamaguchi staring, he gave a small smile and shrug. They wouldn’t be on the same team.

“Each team has a side, and will hide a flag somewhere in their side. A team wins once they take the opposing team’s flag and bring it to their side. The two sides are separated by this road here,” Daichi said, pointing to a winding road behind him. “If you are on the other team’s side, they can tag you and bring you to jail. EVERYONE GOT IT?”

“Yes, Dad,” the entire team said.

“Good. Now, separate off into your teams.”

 

 

 

“Okay, so what’s going to be our strategy?” Ennoshita whispered. He, along with Asahi, Daichi, and Tanaka, were on Yamaguchi’s team, and they were all in a team huddle.

“I say that a couple of us stay here and guard the flag and jail, while the other half go steal the flag,” Daichi said, his eyes flashing.

“I can guard the jail,” Asahi said, sheepishly.

“Then I’ll guard the flag,” Daichi said. 

“I’m fast, so I can try to tag the people who go on our side,” Ennoshita said, cracking his knuckles menacingly. He turned towards Tanaka and Yamaguchi with fire in his eyes. “How about you two go and get the flag, then?”

“We need a plan, though,” Tanaka said, glancing at Yamaguchi. “How about Yama is the decoy?”

“D-decoy?” Yamaguchi asked.

“Yeah. You distract the guard while I swoop in and take the flag.”

“Okay,” Yamaguchi said, wondering how the hell he was going to distract someone.

“Then let’s go,” Tanaka said, taking off with Yamaguchi hot on his heels. “Keep our baby safe,” he called back to Asahi, Daichi, and Ennoshita.

“I am the best parent,” Daichi said, with absolute certainty. He cradled the flag close to his chest. “Our baby will be the safest baby the world has ever seen.”  
“Guantanamo Baby,” Tanaka added.

“Baby Knox,” Daichi said, smiling.

“Okay, we get it,” Ennoshita said, rolling his eyes. “Now give ‘em hell.”

 

Tanaka and Yamaguchi creeped through the trees towards the opposing team’s flag. Luckily, there were enough bushes to hide behind. Just as Tanaka was about to take off again, Yamaguchi grabbed his shirt and yanked him backwards.

“Ow! What the hell, Yama?”

“Look,” Yamaguchi whispered, pointing through a gap in the bush.

The two could just barely make out a mess of bright orange hair. Peering closer, they spotted Hinata on patrol. Well, at least he was SUPPOSED to be on patrol. Hinata seemed to be building something at the foot of a tall pine tree, humming to himself as he collected sticks and leaves.

“Don’t worry, that ginger’s oblivious as shit,” Tanaka said. “We’ll just go around him.”

Tanaka and Yamaguchi made a wide arch around the orange-haired boy until he was way behind them.

“HINATA! DUMBASS!”

Yamaguchi and Tanaka froze and ducked behind a tree. Just in time, since Kageyama had strolled in, and he was not in a good mood. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he asked.

“Making houses for the fairies!”

“YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE ON PATROL.”

“Yeah, but no one’s coming right now!”

“THAT DOESN’T MATTER, DUMBASS! THAT’S THE POINT OF THE PATROL! You guard the left side, Nishinoya guards the right, and Suga gets the flag! That was our agreement!”

“Stop yelling, Kageyama,” Hinata said, making a tiny roof out of pine needles. “Everyone can hear you.”

“I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK.”

“And what about you?” Hinata asked, giving Kageyama a pointed stare. “Aren’t you supposed to be guarding the jail?”

“I came over to make sure you were doing your GODDAMN JOB.”

“Let’s get out of here,” Yamaguchi whispered, and Tanaka nodded. The two snuck away until the voices of the bickering duo had faded away into the distance.

They had walked for another two minutes before Tanaka pointed through a gap in the trees. “There it is!” he said.

Yamaguchi turned and saw the bright blue flag on the ground 100 meters away, in the center of a grassy clearing. He looked around for any guards, but didn’t see any.

“There’s probably someone there hiding,” Tanaka said, pushing Yamaguchi out into the open. “Distract him, and I’ll steal the flag.”

Yamaguchi protested, but he was already in plain sight. _Might as well,_ Yamaguchi said, walking towards the flag. He couldn’t hear any footsteps, only the rustling wind and faint bird calls.

He was near the flag now, a couple meters away. Was it really going to be this easy? Yamaguchi shrugged and went closer.

Just then, a person seemingly appeared from behind a tree trunk. Yamaguchi jumped in surprise. It was Tsukki, a smirk playing on his lips. “Where do you think you’re going?” he asked, in his sexy drawling voice. 

“I... uh...” Yamaguchi stuttered. Tanaka’s words repeated in his head: _Distract him._ “I... just... wanted to check how it’s going over here.”

Tsukki laughed. “Yeah, sure. I bet you’re just trying to distract me so that one of your teammates can steal the flag.”

 _Shit_ , Yamaguchi thought, swallowing. “W-what are you talking about?” he said, feeling the words deflate out of him. What could he do? He needed to get Tsukki away from the flag somehow.

Suddenly, Yamaguchi came up with a great idea. He stepped forward, until he was a foot away from Tsukki. Tsukki’s eyes widened in shock when Yamaguchi thrust his arm out and grabbed his hand. Then, Yamaguchi guided Tsukki’s hand to his chest, until his palm rested above his beating heart.

The two were silent for a while. Yamaguchi felt shivers going down his spine as the coolness of Tsukki’s fingers seeped through his thin t-shirt. Tsukki’s mouth was half open in surprise.

“See? You tagged me,” Yamaguchi whispered, with a smirk. “Now you’ve got to bring me to jail.”

Tsukki closed his mouth, but his eyes were frozen in shock. “Uh... yeah... um... follow me...”

Tsukki let his hand drop, and after a moment’s hesitation, he started to walk away into the trees. Yamaguchi stayed by his side obediently. When Tsukki wasn’t looking, he turned towards the trees gave Tanaka the thumbs up.

“This is the jail,” Tsukki said, pointing to a crudely-drawn circle in the dirt. “You’ve got to stay inside the circle.”

“Okay,” Yamaguchi said, all-too happily. He couldn’t believe his plan worked!

“I’m going to go back to guarding the flag. You’re not allowed to leave, hear me?”

“Mmhmm.”

“Why are you smiling?”

“No reason.”

Tsukki’s eyes widened, and he spun his head around, just in time to see Tanaka taking off with the flag in the opposite direction.

 _Crap,_ Yamaguchi thought. _Quick, I need to do something._

Without thinking, Yamaguchi reached out and clamped his hands over Tsukki’s wrists. He pulled Tsukki into the circle until their bodies pressed together and their faces were inches apart.

“Ugh, Yamaguchi! What are you...” The words died in Tsukki’s throat once he met Yamaguchi’s eyes.

Yamaguchi breathed in and out, feeling Tsukki’s cool exhale against his forehead. He and Tsukki were breathing the same air, and Yamaguchi found that strange and wonderful at the same time.

“Do you remember that night? When we danced?” Yamaguchi said, in a breathy whisper.

Tsukki seemed to have forgotten that Tanaka was running away with the flag, because his eyes were focused on Yamaguchi’s, as if everything else in the world had fallen away. His cheeks were flushed red.

“Of course I do.”

Tsukki’s voice sounded like honey, and Yamaguchi wanted to taste it. He wanted to close the distance between their mouths and run his tongue all along that sweet, sweet honey. Yamaguchi glanced down at Tsukki’s lips, the softness he sorely missed. He wanted Tsukki so badly it hurt.

“We were standing just like this,” Yamaguchi said. He lifted his arms up and placed them around Tsukki’s neck. “And you had your arms like this,” Yamaguchi continued. He guided Tsukki’s hands to his waist, and his touch felt like lightning on his skin.

Tsukki’s breath hitched when his hands reached Yamaguchi’s hips, and his face got even redder.

This moment was different than the party. There was no music, no prying eyes, no drinks to speak of. This was a sober moment among the trees, something so crystal clear and _real_.

Yamaguchi took the opportunity to steal a glance over Tsukki’s shoulder. Tanaka was no where in sight. Hopefully he made it across the boundary line. But let’s be honest, Yamaguchi wasn’t thinking about any of that. Not when he had his arms wrapped around an incredibly handsome blond boy.

Tsukki was the first to snap out of it. He quickly took a step backwards until he was outside the circle. “Were you trying to distract me?” he said, incredulously. His sassy tone was back. Yamaguchi missed his honey words.

“Sorry, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said, with a shrug. “But hey, it worked.”

Tsukki smiled, then laughed. Yamaguchi’s eyes widened. It had been a while since he heard that beautiful laugh, the one without constraint, straight from the heart.

Tsukki looked up and sighed. “Games like these aren’t supposed to be taken seriously, anyways.”

“Yeah.” Yamaguchi smiled. He felt warm and fuzzy all over.

“Well, I suppose your team won now, let’s head back.”

“Okay.”

As Yamaguchi made his way back through the trees, he glanced up at his taller friend, just to see a faint hint of a smile curling around those honey lips. Yamaguchi was struck at how beautiful he looked. The sunlight filtering through the trees danced between the strands of Tsukki’s golden hair. As Yamaguchi watched, Tsukki gently raised his hand to adjust his glasses, which had been slipping down his perfectly curved nose. His gilded eyes met Yamaguchi’s, and his smile only grew wider. “What are you looking at?” he asked.

“Nothing.”

 

**Tsukishima’s POV**

“Do-do we all have to be... naked?”

“If you’re really that worried, Asahi, just wear a bathrobe or something,” Suga said, a little irritated. Suga slipped off his bath shoes and dipped his foot into the steaming water, quickly retracting it. “OW! Okay, that’s hot.”

“Yeah, I should probably step out of the room,” Tanaka said with a grin, emerging behind the door. He was full commando, letting his shwing swing, if you know what I mean. With the bravery of a thousand Roman soldiers, Tanaka took a giant step into the steaming bath and sat down with a splash, letting out a satisfied “Ahhhh~~”.

“No fair Ryu! I wanted to go in first! You probably already pissed in it,” Nishinoya said, running into the room. The only thing he was wearing was a towel wrapped around his head like a ninja headband. He splashed next to Tanaka, wincing at the heat.

The Karasuno team had checked into a hotel after playing Capture the Flag, and much to their enjoyment, the hotel had a hot spring. After checking in to the hotel and picking rooms, the boys wanted to relax.

Daichi and Ennoshita strode into the courtyard. Daichi was carrying a few bottles of ice-cold water and wearing a fluffy white bathrobe. “Drink up,” he said, tossing two bottles to Nishinoya and Tanaka. “You’ll get dehydrated from all the heat.”

“Where’s my water, Daddy?” Suga said, batting his eyelashes.

Tsukishima snorted. “You’re wet enough already,” he said, unable to help himself.

“You got me there,” Suga said, giving Daichi a wink.

Daichi scrunched up his nose and turned away to hide his blush. Even still, he tossed Suga a water bottle, along with handing one to Asahi, Ennoshita, and Tsukishima.

The next people to arrive were Hinata and Kageyama, wearing matching towels around their waists. Hinata’s face instantly lit up at the sight of Nishinoya and Tanaka in the bath, and soon he had joined them in their game of “How Long Can You Hold Your Breath”. 

Kageyama, on the other hand, stayed on the sidelines eating a cucumber. For some reason, the hotel they were staying at offered cold cucumbers by the reception. Tsukishima laughed into his hand. Kageyama eating a cucumber looked like a sad prostitute whose blowjobs were subpar.

Asahi finally gathered up the courage to ditch his bathrobe, and he, Suga, Ennoshita, and Daichi joined the bath. “Care to join us?” Suga said, beckoning at Tsukishima with his pointer finger.

“Nah, I’ll just watch the orgy from here.”

“What a shame,” Daichi said, leaning over the side of the bath. “All of us are BEGGING for that Tsukishima cock.”

You know how when you’re watching a TV show and your mom walks in right at the sex scene? That’s how Tsukishima felt, because right at that moment, Yamaguchi walked outside.

After hearing the words ‘Tsukishima cock’, Yamaguchi froze in the doorway. His cheeks flushed bright red, and his eyes met Tsukishima’s for a few solid seconds.

Tsukishima opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He couldn’t stop staring at Yamaguchi, who was wearing nothing but a short towel around his hips. Yamaguchi’s chest was smooth and tan. Freckles dotted his shoulders, _why hadn’t Tsukishima noticed the freckles?_ His hair was slightly wet from a quick shower; strands dripped water onto his face and down his neck. The liquid glistened against his skin in the low light.

Tsukishima couldn’t breathe. Yamaguchi was perfect. Absolutely perfect.

“Oh, hey, Yama! Want to join our orgy?” Tanaka shouted.

“If only Kiyoko-san was here...” Nishinoya said, gazing off into space with a placid smile. “That’s an orgy I wouldn’t want to miss.”

“You two are disgusting,” Daichi said, and Tsukishima had to agree.

“I... uh... um...” Yamaguchi said, too flustered to speak. His eyes still bored into Tsukishima. He tore his stare away to look at the ground. “Uh... sure, I’ll get in.”

Yamaguchi walked past Tsukishima, decidedly NOT looking at him, and stepped into the bath. At the last second, he ditched the towel and plunged into the steaming water. He sunk down with a long sigh.

 _Ah, fuck, I was hoping to see some sweet booty,_ Tsukishima thought, then immediately cursed to himself. What was he thinking? This was Yamaguchi, someone he had known for years. He had seen him naked multiple times. Why now? Why was he getting flustered NOW?

“What about you, four-eyes?” Nishinoya shouted. “Come on in, the water’s fine.”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, but he wasn’t about to pass up this chance. Chance for what, he wondered? He didn’t know himself, but his feet found themselves dipping into the water, and his hands quickly shed the towel so he was submerged in the opaque water.

He was sitting next to Yamaguchi, who gave him a quick smile, before glancing away quickly. Tsukishima felt his cheeks reddening. Here he was, two feet away from a naked, perfect specimen of a boy.

“Ahhh, this feels so nice,” Suga said, stretching his legs out and closing his eyes. Coincidentally, his legs landed on Tsukishima’s lap, giving Tsukishima a full view of his pale junk.

“Damn Suga, didn’t know you were an exhibitionist,” Tsukishima said in his condescending drawl, cocking an eyebrow. “Got any other kinks?”

“Hmm, let’s see,” Suga said, tapping his chin.

Tsukishima watched Daichi, who was growing redder by the second.

“AH! I know! I liked to be tied up,” Suga said, leaning his shoulder into Daichi and looking deep into his eyes. “I also like a little spank now and then.”

Daichi.exe had stopped working. He was frozen in place, breath hitched, staring at Suga’s face in embarrassment and awe.

“Daichi? You okay?” Suga asked, tapping him gently on the face.

With Suga’s touch, Daichi suddenly woke up from his daze. “I... uh... lemme get some water real quick,” Daichi squeaked, grabbing a towel and throwing it around his waist before scuttling inside.

“I think you broke him,” Tanaka said, laughing.

“What... what did I do?” Suga said, looking genuinely concerned.

Nishinoya sighed. “Damn, our senpai is dumb as shit.”

“HEY! I could kick all of you out of this hotel on the spot!”

“SORRY MOM.”

Kageyama finally decided to pop in the bath, still eating his cucumber. He slid right next to Hinata, who immediately plucked the cucumber out of his grasp and took a big bite. Tsukishima was amazed at the quantity of gay contained in this small group of horny teenagers.

“OH! Who wants to have a wrestling match?” Nishinoya asked.

“You’re on,” Tanaka said, splashing water into Noya’s face before tackling him sideways. The two battled it out under the steaming water, and Tsukishima was once again overwhelmed by the gayness of it all.

A forceful kick by Nishinoya sent a wave of water crashing into Yamaguchi’s face, leaving him utterly soaked. His hair was flattened against his face, falling into his eyes. He looked so cute, so helpless, like a lost cat in the rain.

Instinctively, Tsukishima reached his arm forward and gently, _gently_ , tucked a piece of Yamaguchi’s hair behind his ear. Yamaguchi opened his eyes in surprise. Tsukishima inhaled sharply when he met Yamaguchi’s large brown irises. They were so close, Tsukishima could see every drop of water dripping down Yamaguchi’s cheeks.

Tsukishima wanted to lean forward and meet his lips, but something about Yamaguchi seemed... guarded. Deep inside his eyes, Tsukishima felt something. Something animal, something dark.

What was it? What was wrong?

Tsukishima wanted to learn everything about the boy whose face he caressed. Whose freckles were as numerous as the stars in the sky. He wanted to know every insecurity, every fear, every thought that passed through his mind.

What was going on inside of Yamaguchi Tadashi?

Just then, Daichi knocked loudly on the door of the bath house. Tsukishima let his hand drop and glanced over at the noise.

“It’s past midnight, fuckers!” Daichi said, annoyed. “Let’s get ready for bed.”

“But we’ve only been in here for ten minutes!” Nishinoya groaned.

“Maybe if Hinata hadn’t decided to show off his entire Pokemon card collection, we would have gotten to the hot spring faster.”

“Hey!” Hinata said, clearly hurt. “It’s not my fault that Kageyama wanted to see my Shining Magicarp.”

“Don’t blame it on me, dumbass!”

Tsukishima sighed. Once Daichi got Kageyama and Hinata started, it would be hours before they stopped. “I’m getting out of here,” he said, to no one in particular, and stepped out of the bath with a towel around his waist.

“Wait up, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi said, climbing out after him.

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi walked back to the hotel room, a pleasant plain space with tatami mats and sliding doors. Daichi stood in the center, dressed in PJs, and was laying out futons and sleeping bags. “Go get yourselves showered, then help me out with this,” he said, fluffing up a pillow.

 

After showers, the entire Karasuno team fought over sleeping arrangements. Not wanting to be a part of it, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi moved their futons to the corner of the room and tried to get some shut-eye. Eventually, the noise quieted down, with the exception of Asahi’s occasional snore.

Tsukishima stared at the gray ceiling. He always found it difficult to fall asleep, and tonight was no exception. The full moon outside streamed light through the thin walls, casting shadows over the teenage boys.

Nishinoya was spread-eagle on his futon, his arm thrown over Tanaka’s back. Suga was tucked next to Daichi underneath a shared blanket. Asahi and Ennoshita lay like logs underneath the sheets. Hinata and Kageyama slept soundly next to each other. Kageyama’s face looked different when he was sleeping, more serene and less “Bitch I hope the fuck you do.” 

Tsukishima glanced to his left, where Yamaguchi was lying. His eyes were closed, his mouth open. He looked so cute and warm and happy, Tsukishima could hardly stand it.

 _I can’t just stare at him. I should distract myself,_ Tsukishima thought. He carefully lifted the blanket off his chest and reached behind him, fishing a book out of his backpack. It was Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, the one that Yamaguchi had given him. Admittedly, Tsukishima had never read the Harry Potter series.

He placed the book on his pillow so that the light from the moon illuminated the pages. 

_Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. They were the last people you'd expect to be involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense._

Tsukishima smiled to himself as he read. He could picture a young Yamaguchi Tadashi, wearing a shirt two sizes too big, clutching this book in his small hands and reading fervently.

It was only after Tsukishima had finished the first two chapters that he heard a noise.

“Mmnn...”

Tsukishima blinked in surprise. Did Yamaguchi just say something?

“...nnn...” Yamaguchi muttered. His eyebrows were furrowed. He looked... scared.

“Yamaguchi?” Tsukishima whispered, quietly. But there was no response. _He was probably just sleep-talking,_ Tsukishima thought. He turned back to his book.

But a few minutes later, Yamaguchi spoke again. This time, it was actual words.

“S... stop,” Yamaguchi breathed. “No... no...”

Tsukishima looked over in surprise. Yamaguchi had often made sounds in his sleep as kids, but this was different. In 16 years of knowing him, Tsukishima had never heard Yamaguchi say actual words.

“No... no... nhh... stop,” Yamaguchi said, turning slightly underneath the sheets. He looked distressed. His fists were clenched, his eyes squeezed shut tightly. “Someone... stop...”

“Yamaguchi?” Tsukishima repeated, a little worried. Was Yamaguchi okay? Should Tsukishima wake him up?

“Tsu...” Yamaguchi breathed.

Tsukishima’s eyes widened. Was Yamaguchi about to call his name? No, it couldn’t have. There were lots of things that started with Tsu. Like... tsummer time. Tsucumber. Tsar of Russia.

“Tsu... kki...” Yamaguchi said.

Tsukishima felt his breath catch.

“Tsukki... Tsu... hhh... help... help me... Tsukki...” Yamaguchi said. He had rolled over on the pillow. His eyes were scrunched up in fear. “Tsukki...”

Hearing his name sent shivers down Tsukishima’s spine. It was as if he were laying on a bed of needles. He could feel every one of Yamaguchi’s breaths against the bridge of his nose.

“Help...”

“I’m right here,” Tsukishima said, before realizing what he just said. “I’m right here, Yamaguchi.”

“Tsukki...” Yamaguchi repeated. His forehead smoothed, and his hand unclenched. “Tsukki...”

Tsukishima gently closed his book and put it on top of his bag, then he leaned forward a bit until he could feel Yamaguchi’s knee resting against his leg. He stretched his arm out and carefully pushed back a section of Yamaguchi’s soft hair. “I’m right here, I got you,” Tsukishima whispered. Yamaguchi’s lips held traces of a smile.

“You can’t leave me... Tsukki... Tsukki...”

“I won’t leave you. I’m right here.”

“Are... are you sure?” Yamaguchi said, in a sleepy voice.

“Of course I’m sure.”

Yamaguchi looked content, and scooted himself forward. Tsukishima froze in surprise. Here he was, his arm gently holding Yamaguchi’s warm back. Yamaguchi’s face was a couple inches from his on the pillow. Freckles danced across Yamaguchi’s cheeks.

Tsukishima felt something painful deep inside his chest as he watched his best friend fall back to sleep. Something wasn’t right. Yamaguchi was having bad dreams, and Tsukishima was comforting him. Is this something best friends did? Holding each other through the night?

Was this okay?

Tsukishima closed his eyes and placed his chin on top of Yamaguchi’s fluffy hair, smelling his tea tree shampoo.

Was this okay?

Tsukishima fell into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! Please comment if you enjoyed!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi and Hinata have a quick chat before the boys head home from their camping trip.

**Yamaguchi’s POV**

 

“Oh man, this is GOLD.”

“ _Shhhh_ , Nishinoya, you’re going to wake them up!”

“Suga, it’s almost ten o’clock, they’re gonna have to wake up some time.”

Yamaguchi pried his eyes open. The room was bright, too bright. It took a few moments to adjust, but Yamaguchi soon realized that the entire team was circled around him and Tsukki’s futon.

Tsukki...

Yamaguchi looked to his left, and saw Tsukki’s arm draped over his waist. His chin gently rested on top of Yamaguchi’s head. It was so comfortable and _warm_ , Yamaguchi just wanted to stay in the moment forever.

However, they were in a very precarious position, and the entire team was snapping photos.

Yamaguchi blushed and sat up, waking up Tsukki in the process.

“Well, good morning, Sleeping Beauty,” Tanaka said with a smirk. “And good morning, Prince Charming,” he added, glancing down at Tsukki.

“Shut up Tanaka, it’s too early in the morning for this,” Tsukki said, putting on his glasses. As smooth as his voice sounded, Yamaguchi could clearly see redness forming on his nose and ears.

“You two are the last ones up,” Daichi said. “Pack up, we’re leaving in fifteen minutes.”

“Aww come on, Daichi, at least let us have breakfast first!” Suga complained. The rest of the team nodded enthusiastically.

“Fine,” Daichi said, crossing his arms. “But we’re in the cars at 11:00 sharp, got it?”

“Yes, Dad.”

 

Complementary breakfast consisted of hot miso soup, fermented soybeans, bananas, and rice. Yamaguchi put everything on his tray and went to where Tsukki was sitting, in a corner of the dining hall.

“Hey, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said, trying to sound bright as always.

Tsukki’s eyes flicked up, and for a second they stared at each other, before Yamaguchi put his tray down on the table.

“Hey,” Tsukki replied. “I... uh...”

“Yeah?”

Tsukki cleared his throat. He looked uncomfortable. “Sorry... for this morning.”

“It’s okay, you probably just tossed and turned in your sleep,” Yamaguchi said, blushing slightly. He missed the feeling of Tsukki’s arm cradling his side.

“Well. About that,” Tsukki said. “I... I have to talk to you about something.”

Yamaguchi looked up in surprise. Tsukki’s eyes were focused, and his lips formed a tight line across his face. He was rarely this serious, and it unsettled Yamaguchi. “Right now?”

“Um...” Tsukki glanced around, and saw that he was within earshot of a couple different tables. “How about right after breakfast. In the garden outside.”

“Uh, okay,” Yamaguchi said, feeling a strange shiver run down his spine. He almost spilled his soup when bringing his spoon to his mouth. What could Tsukki possibly want to talk about?

“Anyways,” Tsukki said, resuming his haughty air. “What did you think about Kageyama eating that cucumber yesterday?”

Yamaguchi giggled into his hand. “He looked like the gayest teenager on the planet.”

“And the way Hinata took a bite out of it?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if they fucked in the showers afterwards.”

“I CAN HEAR YOU, YOU KNOW,” Kageyama said angrily from the table adjacent to theirs. His face was flushed.

“Oh, we’re well aware,” Tsukki said. He and Yamaguchi exchanged a glance, and they went back to giggling. 

Kageyama huffed and turned back to Hinata, who was suddenly very interested in his bowl of rice.

 

After breakfast, Tsukki and Yamaguchi walked into the garden, as promised. It was relatively small, with a traditional zen raked gravel pattern for tourists and a few maple trees.

Yamaguchi kept glancing up at his friend’s face, trying to untangle the expression that lay behind. But it was difficult. Tsukki’s eyes were clouded like a storm.

They stopped at a bench in the center, and took a seat.

“So,” Yamaguchi said, fiddling with his hands in his lap. “What’s up?”

“Well,” Tsukki said, finally looking Yamaguchi in the eyes. His stare made Yamaguchi’s skin tingle with electricity. “Last night... you were having a bad dream.”

“I was?” Yamaguchi said, surprised.

“You kept saying ‘Stop... help me...’, stuff like that,” Tsukki said. “The reason why you woke up with me... laying next to you... was because I had to calm you down.”

“Oh,” Yamaguchi said, confused. He didn’t remember any of that.

“I just wanted to know,” Tsukki said, leaning forward. “And this is going to sound really weird, coming from me, but... is there anything going on? Are you feeling okay?”

Yamaguchi swallowed. The creature inside him stirred, causing Yamaguchi’s stomach to clench in pain. “Nothing’s wrong. I just get bad dreams sometimes, that’s all,” Yamaguchi lied.

“No, you don’t.”

“What?”

“You don’t usually get bad dreams,” Tsukki said, peering closer into Yamaguchi’s eyes as if he were tearing away the layers underneath. “I’ve slept next to you for years. This is the first time you’ve ever had a bad dream.”

“R...really?” Yamaguchi said, flexing and unflexing his fingers.

Tsukki leaned back in his seat, a strange expression on his face. “I’m sorry, I’m making you uncomfortable.”

“N-no, it’s okay,” Yamaguchi said, a little shocked. “It’s just... you’ve never really asked me stuff like this before.”

“I know, but...” Tsukki sighed. “Just know that you can talk to me. About anything. I’ll listen.”

The creature laughed, making Yamaguchi’s hairs stand on end. _Go on, tell him. Tell him who you truly are,_ the creature whispered. _Tell him what a depressed, anxious freak you are. See if he still cares about you then._

Yamaguchi felt a sinking fear deep inside him. There was no way Tsukki would want to hear about any of that. They were friends, not lovers. Tsukki didn’t deserve to carry Yamaguchi’s pain.

For years, Yamaguchi had supported Tsukki, whether it was volleyball or family issues or school work. He felt useful when he helped Tsukki. He felt needed. The last thing Yamaguchi wanted was to be a burden, especially for the boy he loved.

“Thank you...” Yamaguchi said, feeling his throat clench up. “...but honestly, it’s nothing. I’m fine.” The lie slipped off his tongue so easily, Yamaguchi was surprised. When had he become such a good liar?

The creature laughed again. _That’s what I thought._ it said, before diving deep down into the darkness of Yamaguchi’s mind.

Tsukki looked at Yamaguchi. His eyes were squinted, as if studying him.

“Okay,” Tsukki said, finally. “I just wanted to make sure.” He stood up and brushed leaves off of his jeans. “We should head back, the team is probably wondering where we are.”

“Tsukki.”

Tsukki turned in surprise.

Yamaguchi took a deep breath. “Um. I just wanted to say. Thanks.”

“It’s nothing really, I was just—”

“No,” Yamaguchi said, looking deep into Tsukki’s golden eyes. “Seriously. I appreciate it.”

Yamaguchi hoped that his crumbling words could convey a deeper feeling. He wished he could transmit messages straight into Tsukki’s brain: _I love you. I love you. I don’t want to hurt you._

Tsukki inhaled, and a light brush of pink spread over his cheeks. “You’re welcome,” he said.

 

The two returned to the dining hall, where Suga and Daichi were trying to round up everyone to board the buses. Tsukki seemed more relaxed; his eyes seemed softer somehow. Yamaguchi was surprised. Had this being been bothering him? Yamaguchi felt his chest contract. He didn’t deserve Tsukki’s concern.

“Yamaguchi!” a hushed whisper called.

Yamaguchi spun around and saw Hinata’s bright face poking out from behind a wall. “Can I talk with you for a moment?”

“Yeah, sure, what’s up?”

Hinata grabbed Yamaguchi’s wrist and dragged him into an empty hotel room. The tatami mats were rough against Yamaguchi’s socked feet.

Hinata’s face was slightly flushed, and he seemed to be having trouble forming words. “I, uh... wanted to ask you a question.”

“Shoot.”

“How do you... uh... flirt with someone who’s mean?”

Yamaguchi blinked. This was a surprise. Hinata rarely spoke to him about topics outside of jump float serves and sugary sweets. “How would I know?”

“Well, you’re always flirting with Tsukishima.”

Yamaguchi’s heart sped up when he thought about the Capture the Flag game and when Tsukki touched his hair in the hot spring. “Uh...”

“Please give me some tips!” Hinata said, bowing deeply.

“For who?”

Hinata kept his head bowed. His face was hidden. “Um.”

Yamaguchi put his hands on his knees and ducked down so he could see underneath Hinata’s curly head of hair. “Is it Kageyama?” Yamaguchi asked, knowingly.

Hinata let himself plop onto the tatami with a resigned sigh. “How did you guess?”

“Well, you two are practically attached at the hip.”

“It’s just... he’s so MEAN to me, Yama! Every time he sees me, he’s all like: ‘Hinata, you idiot!’ or ‘What was that serve, you dickwad’! It’s hopeless. There’s no way he could like me.” Hinata looked so sad on the floor that Yamaguchi felt extreme pity.

“You know,” Yamaguchi started. “That might be Kageyama’s way of caring for you.”

Hinata looked up, his large brown eyes filling with emotion.

Yamaguchi cleared his throat. “If Kageyama is constantly shouting at you and telling you what to do, he might just be concerned about you and how you play. It’s probably his way of saying:  
‘Hey, I like you, and I want you to pay attention to me’.”

Hinata blinked. “Are you sure?”

Yamaguchi shrugged. “I don’t know Kageyama all that well, but it’s a fact that teasing and being mean to someone can be a way of flirting. I say give it a shot.”

Hinata’s face slowly split into a smile. “Geez, Yama, I didn’t know you were Confucius!”

Yamaguchi blushed slightly. “Well, you wanted some advice, so...”

“How would I flirt with him, then?”

Yamaguchi exhaled slowly. “Well, I would say start off with touching him gently. On the shoulder, arm, head, places like that. And look him in the eyes when you’re talking with him. Doing these things will bring his guard down.”

Hinata was listening intently like it was a volleyball lesson. “Where did you learn all this?”

“I used to read a lot of shoujo manga,” Yamaguchi said, matter-of-factly. “Anyways. Once he has his guard down, attack him with some cute comments. Like, ‘You played really well today’ or ‘I like the way that shirt looks on you’. He’ll be so embarrassed, you’ll shock him into falling for you.”

Hinata gave a big grin. “Thanks so much, Yamaguchi! I knew it was a good idea to ask someone with a boyfriend.”

 _Boyfriend?_ Yamaguchi chuckled nervously. “I don’t... I’m not...”

“Huh?”

“I’m not dating Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said, feeling his heart beat faster.

“What?” Hinata said, looking crestfallen. “But you guys always hang out together! And you were sleeping next to each other last night! And you kissed at the party! I thought for sure you guys were dating!”

The creature squeezed at Yamaguchi’s heart. “Ah... well... we’re not. It’s... complicated.”

“How is it complicated? Just ask him out!”

_Ask him out?_

Of course Hinata would put it bluntly like that. Hinata had always been the kind of person to jump into things, to act without thinking. But there was no way Yamaguchi could just _ask him out_.

Yamaguchi opened his mouth to reply, but just then Daichi’s booming voice shouted: “BUS IS HERE.”

“Oh, we should head back,” Hinata said, standing up and dusting off his knees. He glanced up at Yamaguchi and gave a comforting smile. “I believe in you, Yama. Whatever you choose to do, I’m sure it will all work out.”

“Y-you too,” Yamaguchi said, slightly stunned. His chest warmed at Hinata’s words. It wasn’t every day that Yamaguchi received compliments.

“And thanks for the flirting tips!” Hinata added cheerfully as he slid open the door. “Maybe you should use some, too.”

“Maybe I will.”

 

Yamaguchi was the last to board the bus. After giving a quick apology to Ukai, Yamaguchi trudged down the aisle, carrying his large green duffle.

Karasuno hadn’t gone on this camping trip for nothing. In four hours, they would be playing Nintai Academy, a team in Akita that recently joined their division. Everyone was preparing for the big game in their own way. Asahi and Daichi were reviewing everyone’s positions on a large whiteboard. Suga and Ennoshita gently set a volleyball to each other across the row. Kageyama was sleeping in the back, and next to him, Hinata, Nishinoya, and Tanaka were having a heated discussion about the best type of pork buns.

Tsukki was sitting by himself on the left side, gazing out at the trees. A pair of headphones covered his ears, and he gently tapped the window to the beat.

Yamaguchi paused for a second to watch the soft light filter through Tsukki’s golden hair, before happily walking down the aisle and plopping down next to his friend. “Hey, Tsukki.”

“Oh. Hey, Yamaguchi,” Tsukki said, slipping his headphones off his ears and giving Yamaguchi a rare smile.

“What are you listening to?”

Tsukki took off his headphones, and gently placed them over Yamaguchi’s ears. Tsukki was very, very close. Yamaguchi could feel his heart pounding as Tsukki’s long fingers grazed over his hair.

Instantly, the sound of the bus was drowned out and in its place, piano music played.

Yamaguchi closed his eyes. “What song is this?”

“You’re going to laugh.”

“No, I’m not.”

“It’s an artist called... I Eat Plants for a Living.”

Yamaguchi giggled into his hand.

“You said you weren’t going to laugh!”

“Well, I had to! What kind of name is that?”

Tsukki grabbed his headphones back, and Yamaguchi instantly missed the soft music. “If you can’t appreciate it, you don’t get to listen to it,” Tsukki said, with a smirk.

“Sorry Tsukki!”

“Sorry won’t get the headphones back.”

Yamaguchi thought about his advice to Hinata. _Start off with touching him gently._ Yamaguchi reached forward and grabbed the headphones off of Tsukki’s head, gently brushing his neck in the process.

“Hey—” Tsukki started, but the words became stuck in his throat as he felt Yamaguchi’s fingertips on the sensitive skin above the collar of his shirt.

 _It worked!_ Yamaguchi thought, excitedly. With a smug grin, Yamaguchi slid the headphones over his own ears. The piano music once again drifted over him.

Tsukki gave a resigned sigh and leaned against the window. Yamaguchi snuck a glance at him. There was a smile dancing across his lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! Please PLEASE comment! I thrive off of you guys!!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As the team returns home from their trip, Tsukishima is greeted with a few surprises, not all of them good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the wait! I just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone who left comments and encouraged me to write more. I was feeling like giving up on this story as I usually do (I have a lot of low self-esteem when it comes to my writing). I was incredibly grateful that you all supported me and urged me to write more. Thank you all for your kind words! This one is for you. I'll try to update more in the future!

**Tsukki’s POV**

The game was tough. Nintai Academy had a great wing spiker who seemed to bend the space-time continuum when he spiked. But with the help of Tsukishima’s height and Hinata’s speed, Karasuno came out victorious.

Tsukishima was sitting outside the gym, staring at the sky. His heart was thundering in his chest and sweat dripped from his brow. _Fuck, that was difficult_ , he thought. Tsukishima took a deep breath and tried to regain his usual calm.

A black head of hair popped out from behind the column. It was Kageyama, angrily forcing milk into his mouth. “Oh,” he said, noticing Tsukishima. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“You, uh...” Kageyama cleared his throat, looking down. “You did... good... today.”

“I did good?” Tsukishima said, with a smirk. Kageyama was hardly one for compliments, but Tsukishima was too tired to give him a hard time. “Thanks. You did pretty good yourself.”

Kageyama narrowed his eyes, trying to pick out the saltiness from Tsukishima’s words, but decided to drop it and take another swig of milk.

“Everyone’s getting on the bus,” Kageyama said. “You should, too.”

Tsukishima nodded, looking at his feet. 

For some reason, Tsukishima couldn’t stop thinking about the way Yamaguchi brushed his fingers over Tsukishima’s neck in the soft light of the bus. Tsukishima wanted his own long fingers to stretch over Yamaguchi’s tan skin. He wanted to feel his warmth, his breath mingling with his own.

“Tsukishima?”

“What?” Tsukishima said, looking up.

“Oh, you weren’t responding.” Kageyama said. “Just wondering. If you got a medal. From after the game.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Here,” Kayegama said, tossing Tsukishima a medal.

Tsukishima held the medal between his fingertips, gently feeling the ridges.

Kageyma was bouncing up and down slightly on the balls of his feet, as if he wanted to say something. Tsukishima gave him a questioning glance.

“Uh,” Kageyama started. “You wouldn’t happen to know. Where Hinata is. Would you?”

Tsukshima sneered. “What, do you think I keep a GPS for that ginger freak?”

Kageyama stiffened.

Tsukishima sighed. “I think I saw him heading to the bathroom. He looked like he was going to be sick.”

Kageyama rolled his eyes, but Tsukishima saw a hint of a smile playing on his lips. “I just need to give him his medal, that’s all,” Kageyama said.

“That’s all? You don’t want to throw in a kiss or anything?”

Kageyama’s cheeks turned bright red. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Tsukishima shrugged and turned back to his medal, rolling it along his palm. “I’ve seen the way you look at him.”

Kageyama didn’t know what to say. His mouth kept opening and closing like a fish.

Tsukishima laughed softly. “Never mind.”

Kageyama seemed on edge, but he eventually picked up his bag and headed towards the bathroom.

Tsukishima smiled. He was so oblivious, it was cute. Dragging his finger around the medal one last time, thinking about how Yamaguchi’s fingers grazed the side of his neck, Tsukishima let out a long sigh. This was going to be a long season.

\----

The team arrived at school in a matter of hours. Tsukishima slept most of the way, headphones firmly planted over his ears, sandwiched between Daichi and Ennoshita. When the bus pulled up to the school parking lot, Tsukishima let out a big yawn and crawled his way out the door.

“TSUKISHIMA!”

Tsukishima widened his eyes. He had just enough time to drop his bag before a figure hurtled its way towards him and tackled him.

“I heard you guys won your game!” came a voice. A decidedly _female_ voice. Tsukishima pulled back to see a short bob of brown hair and bright eyes. It was Manami Aoi, a second-year in Tsukishima’s English class, who happened to be the setter for the girl’s team.

“Yeah, we did,” Tsukishima said, feeling very confused and frankly quite scared. Why was Manami here? They had talked at most a couple of times before the trip.

“I was waiting for you!” Manami said, batting her eyelashes. “I know we hardly talk during school, but... I want to change that. I didn’t want to overdo it, so I made some mochi,” Manami said, pushing a small parcel into Tsukishima’s palm. “It’s chocolate flavored. I don’t know if you like chocolate, but...”

“Thanks,” Tsukishima said. He didn’t like chocolate.

“And... uh...” Manami’s face blushed furiously. “I have something else for you.”

By this point, the entire Karasuno team was watching. Manami gently tilted her face upwards and kissed Tsukishima lightly on the cheek.

In that moment, Tsukishima caught Yamaguchi’s stare, and felt the air around him drop ten degrees. Yamaguchi’s face held no emotion—it was as if a vacuum had sucked the very livelihood out of him.

“A-Anyways, see you around, Tsukki!” Manami stammered, still blushing but smiling furiously. She ran away to her circle of friends, giggling and whispering to each other like a bucnh of seagulls. Tsukishima watched them for a second, still stunned at what just happened. Out of the corner of his eye, Tsukishima spotted Yamaguchi ducking out of view.

“Wait, Yamagu—” Tsukishima started, but suddenly the ecstatic bodies of Tanaka and Nishinoya materialized in front of him.

“YOOOOO! TSUKISHIMA! GETTING ALL THE LADIES!” Nishinoya said, fist bumping the air repeatedly. “You’re the Leo DiCaprio of Japan, I swear it.”

“She even made you mochi? That’s the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever heard of!” Tanaka added, grinning. “You gotta ask her out!”

Tsukishima couldn’t wait to get out of there. “Listen, guys, I need to—”

“IS THAT A YES?”

“I think that’s a YES!”

“NO!” Tsukishima said, properly annoyed at this point. “I hardly know her, alright? Stop giving me a hard time. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go.”

Once Tsukishima had broken through the wall of hormonal teenage boys, he ran over to where he lost saw Yamaguchi. But the street was deserted. Tsukishima stood for a moment in the shade of the tall Japanese maples, thinking, _How bad could I possibly fuck up._

\----

 

“Thank God you’re here,” Tsukishima grumbled as he hopped in the car.

Akiteru was wearing a loose fleece jacket and an equally loose smile. “Why, my little brother, that might be the first time you’ve actually been happy to see me.”

Tsukishima rolled his eyes and leaned his chair all the way back. He carefully removed his glasses, then placed his jacket over his face, covering his eyes and mouth. “If I end up suffocating, don’t even bother reviving me,” Tsukishima said, his voice muffled. “I’m done. This is it. This is the end.”

“Tell me what happened.”

Tsukishima let out a long groan.

“Does this have something to do with Manami Aoi?”

“HOW THE FUCK—” Tsukishima gasped, ripping the jacket off his face. 

Akiteru sported a smug smile. “I think everyone knows by this point. One of my friends texted me, but she got the information from another friend, who got it from someone else. The rumor’s spread like wildfire. People took photos of that kiss, you know. There are pictures posted all over school. It’s hard to miss.”

Tsukishima’s face turned sheet-white. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Yeah, I’m kidding,” Akiteru said, laughing. “I only know about Manami because I saw the whole thing happen from the parking lot. Don’t worry, you’re not THAT interesting.”

“You’re the fucking worst,” Tsukishima said, rolling the window down and letting the wind mess up his hair.

Akiteru was silent for a while as he maneuvered the car down Miyagi’s narrow streets. “So,” he started.

“So?”

“When we get home, I have someone I’d like you to meet.”

“Who?”

“Her name is Sasha.”

Tsukishima’s eyes widened. “You got a girlfriend?”

“Yep,” Akiteru said. His hands gripped the steering wheel with a little more confidence. “We started dating a couple weeks back. She’s really cool. You’ll love her.”

Tsukishima blinked. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Well, you know how it is. With college and all that. It can be... difficult. To stay in touch.”

“I’m your brother.”

“I know.”

“We promised no more secrets,” Tsukishima said, exasperated. “After the whole ‘I’m the star of Karasuno’ thing, remember? I have some serious childhood trauma because of that.”

Akiteru sighed. “Sorry, you’re right. I should have told you.”

Tsukishima groaned again.

“Well,” Akiteru said, smiling a bit. “If we’re still on this ‘no secrets’ thing, can you tell me why you’re in such a bad mood right now?”

Tsukishima paused. Akiteru didn’t know he was gay, obviously. No one knew, except Suga. There was no way he could tell his older brother that he had a crush on Yamaguchi. Or the fact that Manami’s kiss repulsed him.

He had to make something up, and fast.

“I, uh...” Tsukishima said, acting flustered. “I guess I just have... a giant crush on Manami... and her kiss surprised me.” The lie felt so natural, Tsukishima felt a chill travel down his spine.

Akiteru pulled the car over. “Kei! That’s amazing! What, is this the first time you’ve had a crush?”

“I... guess so?”

“Dude! Great job! So are you going to ask her out?”

Tsukishima groaned. “Not you, too...”

“What?”

“Nishinoya and Tanaka already interrogated me about this. I haven’t made up my mind, okay? I’m still in the... early stages, or whatever the fuck.”

Akiteru clapped Tsukishima between the shoulder blades. Hard. “Whatever, man. You take your time. I’m just... really proud of you. Mom and I were getting worried, you know.”

“Worried?”

“Worried that you...” Akiteru’s expression changed. “Never mind.”

“No, no, I want to hear it,” Tsukishima said, suddenly feeling very mad.

“Worried that you might be... you know.”

“Gay?”

Akiteru grimaced. “Well, yeah.”

Tsukishima could feel his blood boiling beneath his skin. It took all his strength not to lash out at his brother. “Well,” Tsukishima said, keeping his voice leveled. “I’m not.”

The two made small chat all the way back to the house, but Tsukishima couldn’t get his brother’s words out of his head. _Mom and I were getting worried, you know._ The words began to borrow into his brain, forming a small hole, growing larger and larger until it was all he could think about. Tsukishima felt so _frustrated,_ he wanted to scream. How could his brother and mom be so closed-minded? Did it really matter who he loved? Tsukishima bit his lip and waited patiently until they arrived home.

“It’s great to finally meet you!” Sasha said, giving a big smile. The entire Tsukishima family, plus Sasha, was huddled around the dinner table. A feast of mackarel, rice, and fried egg was laid out. “Tsukishima Kei, wasn’t it? Akiteru’s told me so much about you.”

“Oh, has he?” Tsukishima said, shooting a glance at his brother.

Akiteru grinned. “All good things, all good things.”

“It’s great to meet you too,” Tsukishima said, turning back to Sasha. “I’m glad my brother finally found someone to bring home.”

Akiteru punched Tsukishima in the arm, but Sasha was laughing.

“Speaking of someone to bring home,” Tsukishima’s mom said, taking a bite of rice. “I heard from your brother about a certain Manami Aoi.”

Tsukishima shot a glance at Akiteru, who just shrugged.

“So? When will we get to meet her?” his mom urged.

“I’m not dating her, mom,” Tsukishima explained. “I don’t even know her that well.”

“Oh?” His mom smiled deviously. “I think that’ll change quite soon. She seemed very happy to see you again, bringing you mochi and everything.”

"Mochi? Awww, that’s so sweet!” Sasha piped in. “You should totally go for her, Kei.”

Tsukishima could feel the anger bubbling up inside of him once again. “Can you just drop it?”

“Well, okay, but I think it’s high time I see some high school girl running around this house and spicing things up,” Tsukishima’s mom said, giving him a wink.

Tsukishima got up out of his chair suddenly, causing a clatter. His family looked at him in surprise. “I... I’m not feeling so good,” Tsukishima said. “Mind if I go lay down for a while?”

“Of course,” his mom said, concerned. “If you need anything, just let us know!”

 _The only thing I need right now is your trust, support, and love,_ Tsukishima thought as he made his way to his bedroom.

Sitting on his bed, Tsukishima let his heartrate return to normal. It was a gorgeous clear night. The light from the streetlamps filtered nicely through the open windows, illuminating the array of dinosaur figurines on Tsukishima’s shelves.

Tsukishima reached for his phone. He needed to talk to Yamaguchi. Badly. He needed to tell him that Manami meant nothing, that Tsukishima really only liked him.

But when he reached the messages screen, Tsukishima couldn’t find the words to type. How can you express such a deep feeling through text?

After some thought, Tsukishima sent a simple, ‘Hey.’

There was no response.

For one of the first times in his life, Tsukishima felt tears blurring the edges of his eyes. How did such a great team trip turn into a nightmare?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yamaguchi comes to his senses.

Yamaguchi’s POV

 

Yamaguchi didn’t know why it bothered him so much. Aoi Manami, with her jagged short hair and bright eyes, rosy cheeks and grin, handing a parcel of mochi to Tsukki, _Yamaguchi’s Tsukki_ , and worst of all it was chocolate flavored, _Tsukki hates chocolate, how could anyone be so ignorant,_ then kissing him on the cheek, _where Yamaguchi had kissed him on the sleepover, their kiss, their perfect kiss, the kiss that started it all, how could someone steal it, take it away, replace it, it wasn’t fair._ Yamaguchi couldn’t think. His brain had become a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. All he knew was that he needed to get out of the situation. To a place where he couldn’t see Tsukki or Manami or anyone.

Yamaguchi was too shaken for tears. He ran along the road, _the road they usually walked together,_ as the cold wind whipped his hair into his eyes. He couldn’t appreciate the twisting branches of the sakura trees, the maples casting off their maroon-tinted leaves, the sweet grass pushing through the soil. No, he couldn’t see anything except his own feet hitting the asphalt as they carried him home.

“Tadashi!” his mom said in surprise as Yamaguchi barged through the door. “Why are you home so early? I was just about to leave to pick you up!”

“Something came up,” Yamaguchi said, simply. He could feel his heart racing. “I’ll tell you all about my trip later, alright?”

“Are you... okay? You seem... scared.”

Yamaguchi locked eyes with his mother, trying to compose his face into something acceptable. “I’m fine.”

_Are you, though?_

Yamaguchi turned away and walked up the stairs slowly, as to not arouse suspicion. Once on the landing, he dashed into his bedroom, throwing the door shut and closing the blinds. He then curled up into a ball on the bed, letting the darkness encapsulate him.

 _Lame,_ the creature said, smiling sickeningly inside Yamaguchi.

“Shut up,” Yamaguchi whispered.

_Alright, I’ll shut up. But I was just about to give some great advice, you know._

“I don’t want your advice,” Yamaguchi said, his teeth on edge. 

_Are you sure? I give great advice._

“Fuck no. You’ve ruined my life. You realize that, right? You make me feel so terrible about myself. You amplify my sadness and make me second-guess my happiness. There’s NOTHING you can say to me that you haven’t already.”

The creature was quiet for a moment. Then,

_But I’m you, Tadashi._

“No, you’re not. You’re not me. You’re a twisted, stupid monster. So leave me alone.”

Yamaguchi smashed a pillow over his face, hoping that the insulation would prevent him from hearing the all-too-familiar creature. But alas, the voice returned, as clear as ever.

_You really love that boy, don’t you?_

Yamaguchi paused. There was a hint of something in the voice. Concern? Sympathy? “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

_Then why don’t you tell him how you feel?_

Yamaguchi sat up, letting his feet hit the carpeted floor. The room was so dark, he couldn’t see his hands in front of him. “I’ve tried. I... can’t do it.”

_Have you tried? Have you really tried? Or have you stopped yourself?_

“I guess I’ve stopped myself,” Yamaguchi admitted, before scowling. “But only because you tell me that’s what I should do.”

The creature sighed. _Tadashi, you really don’t understand, do you? I am not a creature inside you. I am no monster. I am your own thoughts and feelings, manifested into something that you can separate from. I am just a product of your own imagination._

Yamaguchi paused. “If that’s true, if you really are just my imagination, then why... why haven’t I been able to do anything? About my love life, about my friendships, about volleyball? Why am I so... _useless?_ ” Tears stung Yamaguchi’s eyes, threatening to spill down his cheeks.

_You can only do something if you believe you can do it._

“I don’t believe in myself!” 

_Then that’s your starting point, isn’t it? If you want to change this ‘monster’ inside of you, then first you need to change your outlook._

“WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO HELP ME!”

The creature was silent.

“WHY!” Tadashi sobbed. “WHY NOW? WHY NOT EARLIER, AT THE ZEN GARDEN? OR EVEN BEFORE THAT? WHY ARE YOU ALL THE SUDDEN TRYING TO BETTER MY LIFE?”

_I’m not trying to better your life. You are, Tadashi. This is all you. You picked the time, you picked the place. You know what you need to do. And you know, deep down, that you are capable of it._

With that, the creature slunk down deep into Yamaguchi’s subconscious. And for some reason, Yamaguchi knew that it would be a long time until he would reappear.

Yamaguchi hunched over and put his head in his hands. The creature’s words repeated in his head, over and over. _You know what you need to do._ “Maybe...” Yamaguchi started. He reached for his phone. The light from the home screen cut through the darkness in a flash. There was a new message notification from Tsukki. Yamaguchi opened it up.

**Hey**

Yamaguchi smiled, despite himself. He wiped away some of the tears with the sleeve of his sweater. Yamaguchi hesitated before typing anything. What should he say? What could possibly reflect the emotions inside of him?

_You know what you need to do._

Yamaguchi swallowed. He was scared, but his fingers began to move on their own, forming the words that only his heart could write.

**I need to talk with you. Meet me in the park in ten minutes.**

Yamaguchi pressed send. And waited. Only a few seconds later, a reply:

**Okay.**

Yamaguchi felt his heart skip a beat. It was show time. It was time to say what he felt, for the first time in his life. It was time to finally believe in himself. Hell, it was practically midnight, the best hour in the day for making risky decisions.

“Fuck it. FUCK IT! I’M DOING THIS, BITCHES!” Yamaguchi said to his empty bedroom. “I’M FUCKING DOING THIS AND NOBODY CAN STOP ME, BECAUSE THE ONLY ONE WHO’S STOPPED ME BEFORE... IS ME!” The absurdity of that statement caused Yamaguchi to laugh out loud.

Leaping out of bed, Yamaguchi pulled on a pair of dusty sneakers and an old Adidas sweatshirt. He carefully tiptoed downstairs and opened the front door, stepping into the frigid autumn air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment! Thank you!


End file.
